I mean, if we can't stand living together that'll be the same response if we .. i moved in with my gf after 2 months for similar reasons and it's been great 3 months after we started dating and everything is working out great.
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- Is two months too early to move in with someone? Answer: Yes (Post #45 for update)
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- Moving in too soon? - movingin relationships resolved | Ask MetaFilter
- Is two months too soon to move in together?
Everything changes when it's not you staying with him in his space or him staying with you in your space. Once it's "our space", everything changes. Not always for the worse, but everything changes. I've seen couples move in quickly and have it work. I've seen more fail miserably. In my opinion, you're making a mistake. Grad school will be hard enough without having to go through the madness of a failed live-in relationship. On the other hand, if this relationship is going to last, there's no harm in not speeding it up right now. If grad school is important to you, focus on that.
My now-husband and I moved in together after five months though we'd known each other for a long time and got engaged after eight months, so griphus makes a good point. As I hadn't lived with a partner before him and were in a long distance relationship for those five months, we talked a lot about it prior to moving in, including my fear of dirty socks being all over the floor- and even details like this helped, as we knew beforehand what some of our small irritants would be.
One thing I am glad we did was pick out a new apartment together so it wasn't me moving into his space which would have been the case as I was moving to his city , and so we could arrange furniture, organize closets, and decorate together without any of the territorial issues. This was really helpful for me, as I didn't feel like I was crashing as his place but really felt like it was our apartment. Granted, this might not be feasible given deposits and leases, but the idea remains that making it feel like a shared place will be important given all the other stressors in both of your lives.
And definitely keep finances separate, work out bill payments and household chores ahead of time with flexibility, but it'll decrease the stress given other responsibilities , and discuss expectations for the relationship as far as if this is a step forward or simply a practical move, in which case be honest about that fact and make sure you're both on the same page. Though if it's more of a practical move than a step forward, I'd advise against. Thing is, I really do think we'd be doing this whether or not we were looking at it being a money-saver, just to spend more time together. The financial benefit is just an added plus.
I've done the moving-in thing before and it didn't work out, mostly because I moved into his place and he thought of it as his place , not mine. I appreciate all the input. I realize I shouldn't put the whole decision onto the shoulders of MetaFilter's community, just figured it couldn't hurt. I'm going to assume it wouldn't have changed many if any of our replies. In the abstract, five months seems a bit quick. If nothing else, it's good to have a sense of the kind of roommate you're acquiring - you can get that secondhand while sleeping at one another's places.
But here's the Very Big Deal: Stop trying to figure that out, stop sharing content-free opinions like 'I suck at the long-term relationship thing,' and ask yourself: If the answer is yes, do what you want. If not, you just learned something. There's no way of knowing what the 'right time' is. Having a baby, taking a job, moving in together, starting a big project: The better you know someone, the better-prepared you'll be when moving day comes. But you don't have to be prepared. Some folks do well to dive in headfirst. Some folks need to circle around a while, work themselves up into the right state.
You probably know nothing at all about live-in relationships, like any other youngish person, and the way you're going to learn - which you must do - is by diving into one and figuring things out for yourself. You have a responsibility to make mistakes and learn from them. From a thermodynamic standpoint the outcome doesn't matter anyway, so what the hell are you waiting for? Me and my boy moved in after 5 months. Things here are wonderful. We decided to get a dedicated, bills only joint checking account. But you can do what's best for you.
But this is something that should totally be discussed. We know that if we want to be alone, we can just say it. It's not an issue right now, since I work a crazy schedule and we relish our together time.
Is two months too early to move in with someone? Answer: Yes (Post #45 for update)
But you get the idea. Those were the big 2 for us, but YMMV. D posted by bibliogrrl at 9: The financial benefit is just an added plus I would recommend either: Spending the extra money to get a two bedroom apartment, so that, if one party had to live there alone, he or she could get a roommate. I think that looking at this as a romantic decision especially as it's one made while you guys are in the throes of falling in love, which will undoubtedly not be how you're feeling in a year or so--even if you still love each other rather than a financial decision is a mistake.
Also, because someone has to say it and undoubtedly will, so I may as well suggest it now --I suspect you're in college. Many college relationships don't survive graduation. Many new relationships don't survive graduate school, either--of the 10 women in relationships in my incoming grad school class, only two of us were in relationships by the end; the other couple had a baby, and I'd been with my now-husband for five years at that point.
That's not to say it's doomed--there are outliers--but grad school can truly test relationships, especially new ones. Just something to think about before you commit financially. While these things can undoubtedly get messy They can so be great. And for anyone to tell you that you DON'T know each other before moving in is a little presumptuous, no? I didn't find it made a huge difference. Yep, my partner is a bit disorganized and kind of slobby. MAybe you will be surprised but there's nothing definative to say that you don't. I say do it, but do have those chores and bills and break up talks first.
Knowing little about your personal relationship, all I can refer to is the science. And the science says: A quick JSTOR search will turn up countless longitudinal research studies that show a clear correlation between pre-marital cohabitation and divorce.
I moved in with 'moonMan after three months. Three months of dating that were on the heels of both of us ending long term relationships. All of our friends thought it was too soon. We're about to get married and we're due with our first child in March. Only you know if it was too soon. You're wise to get the practical stuff under your belt first, but what really matters is your chemistry. If you're happy together, you can make it work. If you make each other irritated, it'll be more difficult. On a superficial read, you have just one question but looking more carefully, there is a lot more going on.
Outsiders can't answer such questions any better than people asking for answers to questions like what are the long term prospects of a libra man with a scorpio woman. It may be fun to find out just for the heck of it but not the best idea to figure out something serious. We both generally suck at the long-term relationship thing both of our longest relationships lasted less than a year , but we see each other almost every other night In general, I've seen past boyfriends one or two times a week, tops, so this is pretty unique for me.
Maybe try not to make it a numbers game? Is it possible that its the quality of interactions and bond between the individuals involved that made them last less than a year, in which case you really don't suck at long-term relationships- you just weren't with the right person. You want to spend quality time together- when you are in school and stressed out, this will be an outlet. You will make time for this if you really want it.
If you are living with this person and not getting along lets just speculate the possibility , your stress levels will go off the roof! It won't matter then what caused the stress and what exacerbated it but the relationship may be affected in a not-so-positive way. There will be some sort of awakening, rest assured. I have most of the practicals down already But have you discussed these with him?
Even if he said yes now, how do you know he is going to be able to keep his word or do all the chores as per your plan under the stresses of school and a full time job? What is his stress style- how does he cope with it? Your cut and dried plan may not have and possibly just can't accounted for all these things. Not moving in would end it??
That would end the relationship. On the other hand, if you don't get along or such, how is school going to be affected by it? Would you rather take a risk with the relationship or school? That might help you figure out what's the best option you want to go along with without outsiders making you more ambivalent.
How many of these studies state the acceptability of divorce in the cultures of the couples who do not move in together before marriage?
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Lots of folks have chimed in here, but one other thing came to mind. Only you're going to be able to effectively answer the question of "too soon" for you both, BUT I would strongly consider how this will affect the relationship. If you guys are really the bee's knees together, there can be an advantage in intentionally moving a bit slower, so that you can savor the stages a bit more. Things really do change when you live together, even if you were previously spending almost all of your time with one another.
Seeing each other becomes less of an event, and it's far easier to get into a roommate sort of routine. So, maybe consider waiting a bit simply because things are good, and it's not always a bad idea to just enjoy what you have for a little longer, before moving upwards and onwards. I moved in with Supercres after 6 months of dating, and we're getting married in 7 months. We are in totally pretty different places in our lives. It's amazing that we even worked out, but I swear.
The moment I met him, I just knew. I can't explain it at all. I just knew I'd do anything for him, and I found out a short while later that he felt the same. Previously, I had been in a long relationship in which I lived with that partner for about four years. It was clearly not right from the very start. After that, I vowed not to move out with someone again unless we were definitely getting married the dude proposed or we made plans to do such a thing.
I don't remember how it came up with us exactly, but I explained my rule and he made it fairly clear that I was the lady with whom he'd like to spend the rest of his life. So, that was that. We made the plans in November, and I moved in with him in January. And then in February, he proposed. It hasn't all been peaches and cream, that's for sure.
But, it's much easier than any relationship I've ever been in , and even it it was hard, I'd want to do it anyway. Isn't that the point?
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Following up on this , I should point out that the non-peaches and cream points haven't really been domestic-issue-based. For example, we both have sort of the same laissez-faire attitude about the dishes in the sink or magazines on the bedroom floor.
I think that's one of those important things that you don't learn until you move in, and we're lucky it turned out on the side of "compatible". Practical reasons, like convenience or money, are not the best when it comes to motivating a move-in.
I would just wait until you just can't stand not living with your boyfriend anymore. You'll know when that is. Fuck anyone who says it's too soon. I used to have an arbitrary rule that i would not live with someone unless i'd dated them for at least a year. I then met someone, things clicked, he needed a place to crash or otherwise would have ended up in a dreadful 'room that was once something else now doubling as a bedroom without a closet' space about three months into our relationship. It went fine, he went off to grad school a few months later, then a year after that, I moved to where he was located and eight years later, we're still living together and madly in love.
The important thing is communication, and respecting needs and boundaries. The fact that you're stopping to question if this is a good thing or not to me says you've got a handle on making it work, and it working well. The times where I've seen it fail among family and friends is when the move happens with utterly ZERO thought, or only passing thought.
If you both have similar views of the future, move in.
Moving in too soon? - movingin relationships resolved | Ask MetaFilter
I moved in with my SO after two months, but we both had past long-term committed relationships and we both knew what we were looking for in a partner. It was very stressful, though. But moving always sucks. Help me remember a movie where a woman falls This thread is closed to new comments. ChairmanMeow Member Apr 11, Dec 5, 53 0 0. Hoo-doo Member Apr 11, Sep 29, 27, 2 The Interrobanger Member Apr 11, Jun 10, 5, 0 0 Toronto. I think 2 months is fine as long as you're both responsible and realistic. HarryHengst Member Apr 11, Sep 2, 3, 0 0. FairyD Member Apr 11, Jul 24, 7, 0 0 Do it the old country way.
Get married in the next four months. Cat Party Member Apr 11, Aug 18, 8, 0 0. It's her place, I'd just be taking on some of the bills. Magilla Banned Apr 11, Aug 16, 1, 0 0 Boston. I would move some stuff to her place to make things easier, but maintain a separate residence. Us it as a trial period. After more months if it feels right go halves on a place. B Natural Member Apr 11, Jan 22, 6, 0 0.
I would say yes, but then again, you'll find out by having her move in anyway. I guess it's ok to rush "moving in" as long as you don't rush the next step. But it's a sign of rushing things, so be aware of that. Bay Maximus Member Apr 11, Apr 30, 4, 0 0. Sorry OP but it is an absolutely terrible idea. Let us know when she moves in. Aug 31, 43, 0 0. But if you're living at the bus station, I say do it. Some women really do want to take care of their men, so it's not like she would hold it over your head or anything, necessarily.
Then again, some women definitely would make it an issue, so if things got sour, expect to move out quickly. RichieS99 Banned Apr 11, Jan 28, 70 0 0. Ok as good a time as any to stop lurking and actually post so here goes. This all depends on you and her statistically the odds are against you but the odds were against me too.
I started chatting to a woman in London and after 4 months went over to visit her from Dublin. I spent a week over there and when I came home she asked me to move over to her which I did. Its not easy and will be a huge culture shock I am sure there is a hell of a lot you both do not know about each other but if you have a good feeling about her then it will be worth it.
However after three years we split and Im back home in Ireland, if you ask me though if its too early my answer is no its not. Where do you live now? Mammoth Jones Member Apr 11, May 5, 21, 0 Two months is still in the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. Yea, you're both pining for each other now In 6 months that could very well be different.
Is two months too soon to move in together?
Take your time and don't rush. Moving in is a big fucking deal. Take your time with it. I think i've read like 3 or 4 of these threads in the last few weeks. May 12, 5, 0 0 US. With my parents, so can move back here with no real issue if things don't work out. How old are you op? I would guess Dec 10, 35, 1 0. Steelrain Member Apr 11, Dec 29, 9, 0 0. As long as your name isn't on the lease and you can bail at will then go for it. It's probably bad idea though. Metroid Member Apr 11, Jun 7, 5 30 Bavaria, Germany. Sep 20, 0 0. Jokergrin Member Apr 11, Oct 15, 3, 0 0 Alucrid Banned Apr 11, May 30, 46, 0 0.
Staccat0 Fail out bailed Apr 11, Apr 13, 13, 1 0 Austin, TX. Eh, everyone is different. My wife started as my roommate and things are great. I'm the sort of person who is inclined to find out if something is going to work out ASAP. If you are the same, just make sure you have a serious and solid back-up plan. Boombloxer Member Apr 11, Dec 5, 9, 0 0 Los Angeles.
Darryl Member Apr 11, May 3, 10, 9 Zapperkhan Member Apr 11, You've been with them less than the length of most leases. Something to kinda think about. Zzoram Member Apr 11, Apr 17, 33, 0 0. Depends on the couple but probably too early. If you are going to do that, you should both pay equal rent so that one person isn't financially dependent on the other at such an early stage in the relationship. TCH how are you, B! How is your day going, B! Feb 28, 5, 0 0. You are a bit too co-dependent on her considering it's only been two months but why do you need anyone else's approval to do what you both want to do?
If I were in your position, I would move in with her.